Well it has been almost three weeks now since I have been home from South Korea. Being home is great and all, but to tell you the truth, I really didn’t expect it to be this hard.
It is kind of hard to explain…
Looking back now it was completely stupid and naive of me to think that I could come back from living in a foreign country for four months and just pick right up where I left off; I can’t believe that I actually thought that would be possible. Now, it’s not the fact that I went through some unimaginable change of character or epiphany while abroad, but I just had a lot of trouble readjusting to the life I left behind. The day after I arrived home, I felt as if molten lava had engulfed me over night and left me hard and stuck in place. All my problems, responsibilities, and obligations came rushing back to me… and I didn’t want any of it.
After being by myself for four months with no one telling me what to do or where to go; I was extremely irritable and a bit hostile…well, a bit more hostile than I usually am. Also, I had an idealized view of my home-coming where I would be surrounded by friends in the sunshine and warmth and everything would be hunky-dory. But I actually only set myself up for disappointment because once you leave home, home looses a bit of its magic and you begin to realize that it is just a place, and life does indeed go on without you.
As if that weren’t enough, diving back into American culture was a bit rough as well, I felt slow, apathetic, and bored. Nothing was new or exciting anymore, everything just seemed so mediocre. Additionally, my driving skills have suffered greatly, I’m now really jumpy when I merge, I got into a fender bender the other day, and barely avoided another car accident a few hours ago. The horrible driving practices of Korea must have rubbed off on me!
Despite some mild depression, jet-lag, and near death experiences on the 805, I think I am finally getting my foothold back. However, I still feel like I have no home, that homey feeling that came so easily before my trip has seemed to have all but disappeared; I hope I find it again someday.
Anyways, enough of this nonsense, since it is New Years Eve I can’t very well spend my whole night spilling my guts out, I have a party to attend.
2011 is the year of the Rabbit (Chinese New Year) and I am scared shi*less. This year is supposed to be a year of uncertainty for me (Dragon) and nothing could be more true. I have so much anxiety and have no idea where I am going to end up. But I have to remember to take it one day at a time, it may not be the most original of mantras but it works, it got me through culture shock in Korea so it sure will get me through anything this year.