Do we really understand what unconditional means? (photo by CB)
I think that more often than not, the majority of the promises and statements people make are conditional. Meaning that people don’t just say or do things because they want to. They do things because they expect something in return. People’s actions are based on certain conditions. These conditions lie within our subconscious, and even though we don’t know that they exist within us, they are certainly the driving forces behind our actions. This is nothing new, in fact it is extremely fundamental. We do something on the condition that we will get a certain reaction out of it.
For those of you who say, “I don’t do things for my gain, or “I believe in helping people without expecting anything in return.”
Look closer within yourself.
Even if you truly do something for someone without expecting the favor returned, for example: loaning someone money and not asking them to pay you back—may certainly seem like a selfless act. But think for a second and ask yourself: if you were loaning a close friend some money, would you feel good about yourself? Would you feel happy or pleased with yourself knowing you committed a genuine and true act of selflessness? If your answer is yes, then you’ve already subconsciously inserted your conditions upon this act. So the question is, was the act that you committed truly genuine? Does this concept of “being genuine” even exist in nature? I’m not so sure.
Now before you get all angry about what I’m saying here, which is: deep-down even the most selfless of individuals have their own self-serving conditions they place on the world—just remember–this is a theory I’m trying to work out. You can take it or leave it. But I believe that I am on to something.
If doing something for someone else, makes you feel like a better person, you are indeed placing the conditions of your happiness on other people. And that’s not fair.
Unconditional love is supposed to be tragic, not the fairytale people are deluded into believing. True unconditional love destroys you, because you do things for someone because you have to, to keep on breathing; not because you want to.
Well it took me about a year to finally read your blog!! lol
I agree that every action has a reaction. Though one may think that what they are doing is “self-less”, in the end a personal satisfaction is gained. But to ask whether genuine really exist….. well it does. If you were to walk down a street and encounter a homeless man or woman holding a sign asking for food, money, or a job what would you do? Most people would walk away, not saying that their horrible people, but they pay no mind to the individual in need. Then there are those who may stop to give them change or stop and buy them food. I know what you’re thinking…. yes, the individual may give themselves a pat on the back for fulfilling their good deed for the day, but who doesn’t? That’s what makes us human. What was important was their first general thought. Their was a person in need….an individual less fortunate then themselves and they took a little time out of their day to help them regardless of the gain. The act itself was solely an act, genuine, the effect comes later whether there was a personal gain or not.
As for love it does destroy you. It can rip you apart into million pieces and spit you out as if it had never existed. But love is pain. To have a connection so deep with another person is one of the most dangerous, but most fulfilling things in life. Love between a man and a woman, a mother and their child, and between a brother and a sister. Love is supposed to break you down. Its one of the most dangerous passions in this world. Why do you think we crave it? Think of Unconditional love as a phoenix; where there is death there is rebirth. When you’re in love with someone, or you have love for someone you don’t do things because you have to. You do them because you want to. Because something inside of you yearns to please that individual because of your love.
Hey Danny!
Thanks for checking out my blog, hope all is well! Thanks for the comment, I totally understand what you are saying here and I agree to a degree. However I believe that being truly genuine and selfless forces you to carry the burdens of other people. What I mean by this, is that how far would you go for a complete stranger? If the farthest you will go to help a stranger out, is to give a homeless person money; no matter how good it makes you or the other person feel–it wasn’t truly genuine.
The act in itself may have been “your good deed for the day,” but if that’s the way you look at it, then you already inserted your conditions on the act; in that sense, it had nothing to do with the other person because it was all about you and how you felt in that moment. To me, being truly selfless is impossible because real selflessness should burden you to the point that everything you have becomes someone else’s.
In short, yes people like you and me would help a stranger out once in a while, but rarely would we ever give the shirt off our backs, take someone home and provide them shelter, food, and money just because. We don’t commit acts like this because we can satisfy the need to be giving by believing in the concept of, “well I did my good deed for society today.” Americans especially do not want to be burdened with the responsibility of other people, even if it is under the intention that we are doing something good.