I don’t know what I wanted from you, I don’t know what I want or expect from a lot of people, sometimes I feel like I’m just floating along, nowhere to go, no where really to be found, the world seems to get bigger and bigger everyday and I see so much possibility in every action or decision, that I sometimes feel groundless–like nothing really is ever under my feet at all. And I like it.
I don’t want to stand on anything, I just want to keep floating endlessly.
I don’t want to know anybody and I don’t want anybody to know me.
I don’t want anymore meaningless conversations with you where you pretend to like my earrings, and pretend to care about my obsessions with eastern European philosophy or the world ending.
I know all you want is to posses me, dangle me in front of everybody like a prize. Lets just cut to the chase where you tell me all you want is someone to regularly make you feel less alone at night.
Well I don’t want to feel less alone. I sit here and watch the world and sirens go by. I don’t want to need you, I don’t want to know what it feels like to need anybody, I just want to feel the cold midnight breeze on my warm skin at night, serenading me like a lullaby.
I want to stand terrified and screaming like a maniac in the alone-ness. I want to stand in the middle of a dark desert conversing with the stars. I want to be uncomfortable in the painful numbness of a solo existence. How freeing it would be for no one to know you, or care, oh how freeing it would be to be an insignificant bore.
I think it is silly that people are afraid of this. The reality of companionship is not real at all when you see everything out of your own skull. Don’t you realize everything you’re seeing isn’t your world, but somebody else’s?
Reality is nothing, reality is the tired at its core.