Me channeling Patty Hearst
Life as we know it; the Milky Way.
Being broke is not as fun as I previously thought.
As the caffeine surges through my body, my hands tremble furiously, nearly every thought I have ever had in my life have all gathered to form a giant stampede through my brain. It is now that I regret the hastily consumption of an iced double shot espresso that I inhaled 15 minutes ago, and it is now that I lose myself in a flurry of, “How did I get here? What do I need to do today? and, didn’t I just buy toilet paper yesterday?”
The incident just described is an incident that I have been going through on an annoyingly regular basis, which has been a fatiguing drain on my brain. The last weeks leading up to the start of November have undoubtedly been weird ones. I found myself fixating on controversial revolutionaries, cursing passages from Heidegger’s “Being In Time,” (which is like reading hieroglyphics by the way) all why playing the worlds tiniest violin regarding my financial woes or brokeness.
About two weeks ago I decided that I was going to be Patty Hearst for Halloween. The idea kind of just came to me like a prophetic calling after going through numerous costume ideas. However, looking back at the situation, I have concluded that last week I was actually experiencing Stockholm Syndrome. Not in the sense that I was kidnapped from my wealthy cookie cutter life into a militant extremist group via Patty Hearst, but more in the sense that I have been awakened to escape the Stockholm Syndrome that I call American life.
Maybe this odd awakening or emerging anxiety could be the combination of the caffeine along with the absurdities of Heidegger implying that everything you do in life is basically determined by your culture and other people; pre-destination. Or maybe I am just finally realizing that being a student with an unreliable job equals being broke if you don’t have a trust fund. I try to imagine myself as a broke intellect, or kidnapped heiress to help me feel cool and romantic about my finacial situation, but it doesn’t work sadly for it is too contrived and unbeleivable!
Yes, this month has been interesting.
I can relate myself as I’ve been unemployed for awhile. Since I as well never had a trustfund I have yet to even be able to start collage due to funds. Its funny how we get wrapped in materialism and treats.
I could be skating but sadly the gravel is uneven in my area(I know it sounds stoner), but as they say real artists are starving artists. I mean back in the 40s all they had was the radio, and now we got the internet that can almost do anything.
Wow, I can certainly relate -
Hmmm, moments ago i was discussing the exact same brain fatigue with a friend. It has been in the past few weeks especially it seems i have talked to 5-10 people going through the same stresses, myself included.
On the bus this morning had so many things on my mind my stomach was sick. 3 other people just today have described the same feeling – you being one of them.
Whats happening? Are we waking up a little? All of us at once? Physically our instincts as humans are saying “Hey! This is all really fucked up! Start worrying about it!”
We’re growing up and we don’t see a future… The kidz growing up in the eighties could put that thought aside… like putting off a paper thats due at the end of the week. Its friday morning for us, the paper is due at noon and the anxiety that we just might fail has slapped us across the face.
I think ‘us kids’ are all in the same boat, maybe we should start rowing.
EXACTLY! Someone gets it!!!